l E fear of commitment is to fund the delivery fear, fear love and its implications. It is very difficult indeed delivered. There may be a couple, there may be a couple of years and yet there may be no delivery.
When we surrender we raw, intensely felt and we approach the most precious treasure to be loved unconditionally.
However there are no maps to the adventure of love, not know where to go, we can not imprison or control, we can not guarantee that the other will be there forever. The other is the other and run the risk of being injured.
Getting the welfare of the intense connection that gives the true surrender opens the possibility of losing that well-and so fear.
This fear is represented in two basic fears that appear in the intimate relationships:
l and fear of abandonment and invasion .
are fears that we bring from our first meaningful relationships and life as a couple updates and fans. Far away, when we were kids came our early frustrations, so we suffer the early feelings of not being loved the way we need to feel valued or not enough.
Similarly, as the behavior of our parents, we may have been the fear of being invaded emotionally.
In any case seek to defend resources.
A growing masters themselves a "personality."
Personality can be seen as an attempt to defend against the pain of abandonment or fear invasion. It is a construction creating strategies to be loved or not to be invaded as appropriate. But that personality is a defensive shell that keeps us from our feelings, our needs, in short, of our being.
personality is fragile, afraid that the delivery and support while we work in certain areas, in intimate relationships can become an obstacle that prevents us from actual contact with the another when, without realizing it, creating behaviors that prevent the delivery and that "if I give will not be subject to any loss or invasion." Personality "defend us" of that possibility with a stable structure predictable. In some ways it seems an advantage to have a "stable personality" but the strength and security is transformed into rigidity and fear of being destabilized.
And love destabilizes us, love scary because you do not hear our arguments, goes his own way, we can not control, "lose the head." We can hear the love, we can follow, but we can not master. When we open ourselves to it we do to the possibility of losing. Thus, the commitment, engagement love, confronts us with our vulnerability.
There is much fear of vulnerability, we fought constantly with her, and longing to live invulnerability. There is a culture which reinforces the notion of invulnerability, but there is no way out if we do not accept. If we recognize the strength of vulnerable we are no longer scared and worried about what might happen but we softly surrender to what life brings, because in the end life goes where it wants and not where we wanted to pass us . In our society is confused vulnerability with weakness, when in fact it takes a lot of strength to recognize that we are vulnerable.
Among the abandonment and invasion:
is interesting to observe the dynamics of the couple when one of them suffer from the fear of invasion and the other suffers the fear of abandonment. The best-known situation (although it may be upside down) is one where the woman is the fear of abandonment and men to the invasion. In this case the woman, who harbors the fear of being abandoned, that possibility is covered by the action, displays and outreach strategies enclosure that allegedly prevent neglect. This movement toward making the man feel invaded smack bang in the basic fear and generates a precautionary withdrawal feeds the feeling of abandonment closing the vicious circle.
is important to note that behind all these movements there is fear of pain.
Fear of abandonment: is so deep, it generates so much anxiety that can sometimes be chosen solitude rather than submit to it. When we suffer, not the other and usually separate claim for their remoteness and lack of delivery showing us what we delivered, however, often there is a genuine commitment on the part of those who fear being abandoned. Approach movements toward the other are not always synonymous delivery. When attempting to possess, or directly prevent no delivery real invade other are delivered when you accept what you get.
course we can choose go if we do not like or if we reach what is, but there is true acceptance when the heart says yes to the other as it is. When that happens there's that basic trust to help you develop the ability to wait hoping that the other will come up and this openness and trust is always contagious. Anyway, if we face the signs that should not happen we need to trust that we can navigate the inevitable pain.
The fear of invasion: , meanwhile, is the fear of ceasing to be oneself is a greater need to satisfy another's desire is delayed. This is a typical situation for men who need to provide, meet and take over the welfare of others. The figure of the man as provider, capable of providing from the tangible to happiness, is deeply ingrained. And the concern for meeting the desires of others can invade so that we stop being ourselves.
Leaving the circle:
For the fear of invasion the way that I propose is to tolerate the annoyance of others, set limits and lose their fear of saying no. Sometimes this involves working with the omnipotence and you think (and men in particular) can solve all the problems of another. It happens that you do not have the power to resolve life on the other, we are not masters of their happiness, especially when it comes to old internal wounds. As for the fear of abandonment is necessary to develop the confidence and ability to wait, hoping the other will be there. In the bottom of the fear of abandonment is the feeling of being loved as you need, if not appreciated.
need not angry with what happens to us. The fears that are installed are very deep. When there is love, because we are talking about that case, when love is, it is not that "men are phobic" or that "women are unbearably anxious" to quote some sayings quite common. These judgments lie to everyone in the place of the "bad guy" when what lies behind a fear of pain that is usually much more intense than we suspect. This is pain which delve deeper human being and each is protected in the way he learned some time, with distance, with no delivery, disconnection or pressure or demand for certain patterns in the relationship.
When we go into the game of love tends to surrender our hearts but our personality, which fears losing its security, tends to prevent the delivery, not face to face with all our human vulnerability. It hurts to discover that love has a final route, and in that way we can get hurt, so eagerly sought that the pain never comes, so it appears the fear of commitment is, in short, the fear of taking their own vulnerability .
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